I'm Alive?
Episode 1
TW - SUICIDE.
The cold, dark, empty vacuum you called life was what she personally called purgatory. Nothing felt real - not the people, not the space she occupied, not even her own body. She was a stranger to what other people called “being human”. Did being human have to feel so… obsolete?
She wanted something more.
The last of the sunset’s rays touched her face. Her fingers twitched. Then her body moved, as if she weren’t the one controlling it. As if she didn’t plan every move for her dramatic exit. She stood up and walked to the edge, listening to busy cars eager to bypass the traffic, music from the club downtown… someone screaming in the distance. It was last sounds of “life” she’d ever hear, so why wouldn’t she feel anything?
“No matter…”, She sighed to herself, with one foot over the edge of the roof. Then she was falling…
Falling…
falling…
And opened her eyes to find herself in the same spot she was in moments ago. One foot over the ledge. And a presence behind her. With a start, she stumbled backwards, landing on her back. Footsteps were heard to her left, so she rolled in the opposite direction, trying to get up and get away from whatever it was that followed her upstairs.
“Why didn’t you jump?”
Her legs forgot how to move, never mind the rest of her body.
“I did.”
“I didn’t see. You should try again.”
This wasn’t like the movies at all. Wasn’t this stranger supposed to convince her not to jump? An overwhelming sense of disdain washed over her, drenching her heart in ice-cold bitterness. Her exit could’ve at least been as dramatic as she wanted it to be— life could give her that much.
“…what’s it to you?”
“I just wanted to see. Also, if you really wanted to die, you would have jumped as soon as you felt my presence if you thought I was hostile.” The footsteps were louder, and she still couldn’t move. “Or maybe you would have let me done the job. Jumping takes a lot of effort anyways.”
“What is wrong with you??” Her voice raised for the first time in so long. “Oh…”
The presence spoke, and she could hear the laughter in its voice. Nice. Now it was mocking her. “You don’t want to die. I could give you plenty of reasons.”
Her limbs regained strength, and she turned around. “And who are you to decide that?” She asked… nobody in particular. The space she stared at was empty and cold like the chill that ran up her spine. She was going crazy. She knew the day would come. A humourless, somewhat hysterical laugh escaped her lips before her eyes caught on a piece of paper caught in her hair from the wind. She yanked it out - along with some strands - and looked at it with frustration. Words written in a child’s handwriting, in bright red crayon, caught her eye.
Psalms 34:18
— A <3