At the church service

Everything that I shouldn't have seen.

The pastor spoke. I wasn’t paying attention.

I was thinking about his wife, who often got into altercations with the other ladies of the church. My mind drifted between the faces of her victims - all members of the Women’s Society. Known mostly for speaking ill of each other behind each other’s backs. Their powdered faces sneered at the “lesser” women, who, in turn, played victim as they defame them. One of the women, for the sake of her image in front of the others, put her ministry before anything else, and is oblivious (Ignorant?) to her daughter’s deteriorating mental health.

I wasn’t paying attention.

My gaze fell on the man who gives the most money and resources to the church. And to his wife and kids, visibly exhausted from years of abuse from their husband, dad. I guess the church leaders are oblivious (Ignorant? Neglectful?) to that. As I looked on, I actively avoided the critical stare I was getting from the old lady who sat two rows and three columns behind me. I assumed she was looking for a bulge in my stomach after spreading the rumor that I was pregnant with the child of a boy no one agreed with. I’ve been working out.

I should’ve been paying attention.

The pastor said something about how the devil uses our weaknesses - our ignorance, our neglect, our judging other people and their behaviours - to pull us further away from God…

But I wasn’t paying attention. I did everything but

pay attention.

By @lejkjolka on Pinterest